The Last Time We Saw Each Other

My Mom and Dad were expecting me in 1949 at the same time his cousin Leah and her husband Ed were expecting a bundle of joy. Leah and Ed beat Dad and Mom in the baby birthing lottery by a month. Darlene was born August 15, I arrived on September 20, although Dad said I was due in August as well.

I never really knew Darlene even though we were in homeroom together in our Senior year. She ran with the "popular" crowd, while I was the bookworm who wasn't interested in clothes and makeup. She was blonde to my mousy brown and was quite beautiful. I, on the other hand was average in the looks department. I was the better student. There was no animosity nor jealously between us, we just weren't on the same page as people. Friendly, without a desire on either of our parts to get to know each other except superficially. We both thought it odd that we attended all the same schools and it wasn't until 12th grade that we wound up sharing a homeroom. Our last names were one letter different.

I haven't had a chance this week to read the local daily paper and took the opportunity to do so this afternoon. That was how I found out that Darlene died unexpectedly and her funeral was this afternoon. I didn't attend although there was time for me to do so. We hadn't kept in touch after graduation in 1967. I didn't feel that I needed to intrude on her family's grief. I haven't seen any of them in so long, I doubt they'd remember me.

When I called my step-mom to find out what she knew, she was in the dark as much as I was. However, she, without remembering my age kept saying how young she was and how scary it was that she died so young. By the time we were off the phone, I found myself with an urge to hug my boss. Had she not chosen January for our annual assessments and physicals, that obituary very much could have been mine.

Since it was a sudden and unexpected death I'm making an assumption of heart attack or stroke. If ever I needed an impetus to keep me on the doctors program, this was it. All of these changes I'm making aren't easy. I've spent so much time eating in an unhealthy manner that I constantly have to fight against the urge to slide backwards, or give it up entirely. There are days when I arrive home from work tired and have no desire to do all that preparation work in the kitchen. I do it grudgingly, but I do it. After today, I'm very glad I do it, and will continue to do it because I'm not yet ready for the alternative. I like breathing too much.

Butterose, The 140 Character Smart Ass Side Of Me

Sometimes I don't have anything that I can use as content for a blog. Sometimes what's on my mind can be expressed best in one or two short sentences. Which is what my Twitter account is for. My life has become so full that I barely find the time for Twitter, which is fine. However, once in awhile I check my profile to see that my tweets say about me what they should say. I surprise myself sometimes when I read what I've posted. Most of my posts in Twitter are in response to what others are saying, sometimes they're links to what I'm reading or posting on my blog. I couldn't use the name Sherry in Twitter as it is all ready taken in all of it's forms, so I finally chose the name Butterose. I couldn't use 2 r's in it because someone else, no longer posting, has used it.

The following are 10 tweets I've posted within the past month that are just what was on my mind at the moment. Little incidents or news notes that captured my mind for the moment. Somewhere in there resides a germ of an idea for an entire blog post. It's probably the battle over the "executive" chair or maybe the "Hoomans are silly" tweet. We'll see what develops, won't we?

My warm bundle of purring fur says "Hoomans are silly, they don't know enough to avoid company they do not like".

I come over here knowing I have absolutely nothing of importance to say. I say things anyway. ;)

Ok, cat and I are having a battle over the "executive" chair. I'm an adult, he weighs 12 pounds. Why is he winning? ;)

Seems to me that Huckabee hasn't learned the first rule of holes. When you're in one stop digging!

Seems to me that since John McCain let the Palindora out of Alaska, he should be the one to put her back in and CLOSE THE DAMN LID!

Cat was kicking up a fuss at window. Looked to see a big ass skunk wandering through the yard. I nodded and told cat that's just Gov. Walker

I keep questioning the sanity of voters who elected Michelle Bachmann to Congress. Then I remember they voted for Jessie Ventura as governor

Everything we say doesn't have to have importance. Sometimes we need to remember life has it's silly moments.

Hey, if Hollywood ever makes a movie about Ghaddafi, they should cast Charlie Sheen in the lead. Bwahahahahah!

Now we can buy Girl Scout Cookies with credit cards. I'd be happy about that if a Girl Scout EVER knocked on my door to sell me some.

Remembering A Real Crappy Day

After yesterdays bad day, I decided I needed a reminder of just how bad some of my days can get. I took a look through my older published in Blogstream posts and found this one I posted on December 11, 2009. After reading this again, maybe yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought.

Yesterday I started out for my clients house and about 5 minutes away from home, the inside of my car started smelling rotten. Really rotten, the kind of stench that makes you breathe through your mouth and imagine you can taste it rotten. So, I'm thinking that mice made themselves a home in my engine compartment and I'm cooking the offspring as the engine heats up. It's not 20 degrees out there, and with a 20 mile per hour wind it was feeling like 0 degrees and I'm driving with my window open. I get all the way to my clients house and in her door before I find out what's wrong.

I'm in her home and getting ready to start the vacuum since she's all ready had her shower, she turns to me and says:

" Good Heavens! What is that smell, it's terrible? What do you have on your shoes?"

Me: "Eeew, I must have stepped in something, let me go outside and clean it off."

So, there I am in the wind with no coat on, scraping animal feces off my shoes. All over the side edge of BOTH shoes. I walk back to the car to grab some paper towels and step into animal feces in her driveway. Animal feces that I apparently brought with me from home. How else would I have been smelling that odor otherwise? Am I going to admit to that? Only if she askes me outright.

I clean up the driveway and I'm not smelling anything so I go back into the house to resume my tasks. Ten minutes go by and I can smell it again. So, I tell her I have to go home and change my shoes and I'll be back as soon as I can. She counters with a suggestion that I just check the bathroom and clean in there and go home without coming back. I'm apologizing all over the place to her, she's holding her nose and telling me she feels bad for me, but she can't stand the smell. I call the office, explain the problem and leave. Driving home with the window wide open because I can't stand the smell of myself either.

Bolt out of the car and there it was in the path between the driveway and the steps of the deck. The biggest pile of animal turds I've ever seen in my life, all nicely camoflaged by the dead golden brown leaves that were all around it. One single size 8 and 1/2 shoeprint right in the center of it. I'd say it was dog, only, it doesn't smell like dog and there aren't any dog owners in the area that allow their beloved pets to roam. Whatever left that pile isn't small and it definitely eats dead and rotting things. Which leaves me with wild dog or coyote droppings...errr...excuse me, I should say dumpings. Frozen dumpings, which is why I didn't smell it until the car was warmed up enough to thaw it out.

When I got into my own house and removed the offending shoes, I discovered the feces were wedged up into the non skid cleats of the soles. I got it off the ridges of the shoes, but not from up inside the cleats. I had to wire brush both the bottoms of my shoes and the carpet in the car. The car stunk for days, but my shoes were fine. I tried Febreeze on the carpet in hopes that the car would smell better. The Febreeze didn't work immediately but the car began to smell better after a few days.

The client didn't call the office complaining that I left a calling card on her carpet, which makes up some for the embarrassment I felt bringing that stench into her home. The supervisor didn't write me up for violating the "wearing of strong scents into a clients home is not allowed" regulation, so I survived.

Dangerous When Wet

It's Monday. I've dealt with snow, sleet, freezing rain, more snow, more sleet and now rain.

And that's ALL I'm gonna say about that!

Learning Patience

I was lucky enough to see last night's Supermoon as it should be seen. Shortly after dusk as it rose on the horizon. I had to keep checking it until it was above the treetops since the entire breadth of it was hidden, in places, by those trees. As I was viewing it through the trees I was reminded of many a Halloween image of a yellow/orange moon shining on a dark background, complete with bare tree branches and a witch on a broom stick obstructing the full view. There was, of course, no witch, just the branches. I declared it a beauty ascending and waited with bated breath...well...as bated as breath can be while running from window to window to see which had the best view, to view it in full magnificence. By the time it cleared the treetops it had lost it's orange luminescense and was just another full moon. The higher it rose, the smaller it became. Sadly disappointing except for the beginning. That beginning was truly awesome, even with the trees in the way.


Now that I think on it, the experience was no different from any other which contains a strong element of anticipation. "Anticipation, an-ti-ci-pay-ay-tion is making me wait!" Ahem! Sorry, it appears I was channeling Carly Simon for a bit. Where was I? Oh yes, the supermoon, bated breath and the fall into the rut that we create when we build something up too far in our imagination. I do that all the time, I think mostly because I believe I lack patience.

I have patience enough to drive behind a real slowpoke without getting nervous or angry. I can wait in long lines at stores. Even, sometimes, giving up my spot to someone with just a couple of items in their hands who might be waiting behind me. I have patience with Butterscotch when he's been his naughty little self. I have patience with my slow moving clients, even the wilfully disobedient ones. However, my patience doesn't extend to bullies, con artist, the wilfully stupid Fox News watchers or to myself. Yes! I have no patience with ME. Zilch, zero, nada, none.

I constantly over estimate what I can accomplish in a day and then leave half of it undone. Which, of course, makes me angry at myself. By the time I'm home from work, I'm tired, and have very little ability to do at home what I've just spent all day doing for others. I do the lick and a promise type of activity and plan on catching up over the weekends. Unfortunately I am in the process of establishing a new blog which means I need to pay attention to it, treat it kindly or whatever. I'm doing that instead of accomplishing what I had anticipated doing. And at the same time I'm anticipating how much time I need to dust, vacuum, mop floors, clean the fridge, etc.

My doctor said I need to learn to have patience with myself. I'm thinking she should have suggested some self discipline along with it. In the interest of actually getting things done today instead of sitting here in front of the computer getting upset with myself, I'm going to post this and actually go do housework. Today I will not fall into a rut by taking a computer break believing I actually will only stay for 15 minutes. I will turn up the music, and boogie on down with a broom and a mop. I will use my power of positive thinking to lift myself out of this chair and go do something, and I will not be back until it's done. Just one more thing...does anyone have a cup of motivation I can borrow?

Choices

I don't think I know anyone who always makes the right decision in life. Errors in judgement are driven by many different personality characteristics. Some decisions are based on our belief system, some on instinct, some entirely on our own emotions. Each mistake in judgement should be a lesson in how to do it better, or maybe differently next time. Personally, I think we should aim at better, which I fully understand isn't always easy to do. Somehow it seems that most of us just keep making the same bad decision over and over.

Many of my clients have dementia issues to varying degrees. For some it's short term memory loss which can lead to a bad decision now and again. For others it's an emotional regression to the sneaky childhood age of willfull disobedience complete with attempts to hide things or lie about them when they get caught. For people in these stages of dementia there is little that can be done except to frustrate yourself trying to make them understand why they have to take their medication or why they must do what the doctor orders.

I had a client confide in me that she had decided she didn't need her blood pressure medication. Her pressure was fine every time she saw her doctor so she must be cured. Fortunately, her granddaughter sets up her meds and caught her not taking them. It's also very fortunate that this client isn't in the willfull disobedience stage and she realized her granddaughter was right that her good pressure numbers were a result of her medication. She shared her mistake with me after the correction occured and with the sort of embarrassment one feels when we've made a mistake. It was a rather sheepish admission that she had made an error in judgement.

What bothers me about some of my clients is that they don't have dementia and they make these errors in judgement constantly. They pick and choose which of their doctor's orders that they will comply with. Overweight clients with bad knees who are told to walk as much as possible buy used electric wheelchairs so they don't have to walk at all. I agree, it hurts, but it's going to hurt less if they build strength in their leg muscles and take off some weight. I have a client whose doctor wants him to go to rehab for his back problem so he won't have to take so many pain meds. He won't go. I have another client looking for another doctor because her's lost patience with her and told her "No one should be this fat.".

This woman weighs over 400 pounds. She complains constantly about having leg pains and having difficulty breathing when she lies on her back. Her bed is a mass of wedges designed to elevate ones head for comfort and pillows to hold her arms up. She has the biggest lift chair manufactured and she's so heavy the leg rest won't elevate her legs high enough to avoid the swelling. Instead of following her doctor's instructions to cut back on what she's eating, she's looking for a different doctor. One that won't tell her she's fat.

I don't understand any of it. What part of making changes so you feel better doesn't she understand? Why do some people continually make excuses for themselves when all it does is cause them to suffer with health problems that would improve if they'd make necessary changes? I know these changes are not easy. I'm making them.

I made a decision to spend the rest of my life without having to cope, on a daily basis, with pain or other limitations. This decision means I have to give up a lot of things I really love eating. It means I have to move more and when I think I've moved enough, I have to move more yet. Thanks to my job and the clients I care for, I saw what my future was going to be. I saw it, and I chose to change it. For someone who has made more than her share of bad judgement calls, for once I did good and I'm proud of myself.

Hard Work Makes Me Hungry

Two days of gorgeous, gorgeous weather and I'm one happy camper. Of course it's going to change to something worse I imagine. It's soon enough for me to welcome Spring, but it is still only March. I'm almost afraid to listen to the weather report, it's probably going to say something I don't like.Yep, I was right, Weatherman Mike just said that four letter word and it wasn't rain.


A trip to the doctors yesterday went very well. She got a kick out of my effort at making Chili from scratch, even laughed when I admitted we ate pizza. She didn't even say "don't eat that" as I expected. I like that any questions I have about something I'm considering will get answered. It's not always easy understanding the labels of all the foods we consume. And the government guidelines don't help any.

I happened to mention that we changed our margarine again from one that says it's transfat free to one that appears to really be free of partially hydrogenated oil. I asked her why they can say it's free of transfats when it contains partially hydrogenated oil. That's transfat. She explained that the government allows a certain percentage of transfat in their 0 grams of transfat advertising guidelines. Those guidelines applied to almost everything we eat are the reason why she doesn't insist on buying organic this time of year to new patients. Much of what we buy in the stores isn't fully organic.

She has a list of local NYS places where we can buy organic goods in season. The idea is that we should plan ahead and buy in bulk and freeze it ourselves. These farms offer a discount for those buying in bulk. There's a co-op of true organic growers here. I'm looking forward to the exploration of these places, but it won't be until late summer to early autumn. In the meantime we can save the money to make the bulk purchases. I know I pass one of the farms on her list 3 times a week driving to a client. That is the local source for organic eggs, stopped to make a purchase on my way home tonight and was pleasantly surprised that the eggs weren't a whole lot more expensive than what we all ready buy in the grocery store.

My challenge is going to be to get these healthier foods past Hubby. He's a meat and potatoes kind of guy and I can't get him to try anything made with whole grains. No brown rice, no whole wheat bread. He isn't willing to try a wide variety of vegetables, although he does like greens. I have managed to get him to try and actually like turkey burgers. When grilling season comes, I can see if I can get a few more new items by him. Otherwise I'll be doing twice the work to cook. That may not be a bad thing because everything we actually expend effort on causes us to burn calories. The more work I manage to do, the more weight I'll lose. Can't argue with that.