In our living room there were 2 computer desks with computer chairs, filing cabinets, a large coffee table and a couch. The bathroom was both bath and laundry room and our bedroom also served as a place to sleep and cramped into a corner was my art table. I had 2 plastic drawer stacks underneath to house all my materials and a stack of boxes with the other things I use in them. Trying to keep that place neat and clean was an undertaking, yet it felt like home.
Then we bought this place. A home of our own that didn't sit on someone else's property. It is bigger, with a dream kitchen, a utility room for laundry. Three bedrooms, 2 baths and the rooms are big. Clean and uncluttered. A space that I could have the fun of decorating and spending money on to make it home. For 4 months I unpacked, found places to put the things that I need and still have uncluttered surfaces that would be easier to keep clean. I had space and enough income to do what I wanted in it.
After the first round of unpacking was almost completed, I realized I would need a new dining set in order to invite people into my home for a meal. I mentioned that to my Aunt at Christmas time as I was opening her gift to us of a brand new set of dishes for 8 people.. She responded by telling me she would look forward to my acquisition and an invite to have a meal with us on the new dishes she bought.
I said it would be a bit before the invite happened since we had depleted our bank account and needed time to pad it up some. We chuckled and went on with our lives after Christmas. A couple of weeks ago she called me to ask if I was still looking for a dining set because she had one that wouldn't cost me anything if I wanted it.
It's probably 30 years old since it was her Mom's. I love it. It isn't just the fact that I got this for nothing, it's the knowledge that something she treasured because of who it belonged to, has been entrusted to my care. This is not just a dining set, it's proof of how well I am loved.
The dining set was the last of the more costly things I wanted to help me make my house a home. It wasn't until just a couple of days ago that I realized I was thinking like that. I don't know how it happened but my attitude seems to have been that I wasn't home until this was purchased or that was taken care of. It wasn't something I was even conscious of so I'm not sure what it was that caused the adjustment to my attitude. All I know for sure is that I walked into this house on Tuesday and felt that it was no longer this big empty space that I had to keep filling up, it was HOME.
HOME is not a picture in a House Beautiful magazine. HOME is not someplace where life doesn't happen. HOME is not a place where someone feels they can't put their feet on the coffee table, or spill something on the floor. Today HOME is a place that my husband entered and found his mess exactly where he left it because HOME means having enough mess to feel lived in. HOME was something I lost sight of while trying to make this house feel like HOME.