Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Trouble Never Takes A Holiday

"Women's rule of thumb, if it has tires or testicles it's gonna cause you trouble". I am in agreement on both counts since my deluxe broomstick and the possessor of testicles that I'm married to have conspired to interrupt my vacation plans today.

For most of the day, Broomstick sat patiently outside the muffler shop waiting for an unplanned for installation of an exhaust system. Which was to take place "sometime this morning" via other two legged critters who also possess testicles. Around noon Hubby called them to find out if Broomstick had an exhaust system sans holes and they hadn't even pulled her into the bay for repairs yet. We got the call around 3 pm that we could pick her up, they were finally done.

I had nothing planned for Wednesday since Broomstick is scheduled for a visit to the regular mechanic for a headlight relay replacement and inspection. I had been told that would take all day since it's a tricky job. The relay, not the inspection. Come to think of it, he has testicles too. Since I knew I'd be without transportation, Wednesday was to be my day stuck at home. I had intentionally arranged it that way so that the testicular mechanic could have my vehicle for as long as he needed. I was not planning on being stuck at home for today.

We have 3 vehicles. Hubby's business van, his personal small pick up truck and my car. Hubby needs the van today, which should have left the pick up truck for me to use. I had envisioned dropping the car off and then dropping Hubby off at his garage where the business vehicles are parked. This plan would leave both of us with transportation today. So, what does Hubby bring home with him last night? The van. In which he followed me to the muffler shop and then brought me home. To an empty driveway. Which, of course, totally destroyed today's plans.

When he came home this afternoon, he had the pick up. I opened the passenger door and decided that I will not ask to use it Wednesday. The floor on the passengers side was totally covered with tools, empty car part boxes, tissues and empty chocolate milk bottles. It closely resembled a rolling trash dump. Smelled like one too.

There is no way I'm going to use that vehicle without cleaning it out first, and there is no way I'm going to clean up his mess in HIS vehicle. It's bad enough that I have to clean out his mess in my vehicle. Which when he uses it is usually littered with his tools, empty car part boxes and whatever of his clothing he picked up from where he left it last. He dresses in layers in cooler weather so his vehicles are storage places for the jackets or heavy shirts he leaves the house wearing.

He used my car a week ago and when I cleaned it out I found: 2 sets of box end wrenches, assorted used spark plug wires, loose plastic stay straps, empty thermostat box, 1 jigsaw, 1 winter jacket, 1 denim shirt, 1 sweatshirt, 1 plastic container of assorted washers and a short length of pvc pipe. I haven't looked in the trunk yet. I'm almost afraid to. Last time I did I found I was driving around with an empty 20 pound propane container rolling around in there. There are times when ignorance really is bliss.

One bright spot is that after nearly 24 years we finally got him housebroken. The reason I say we, is that Butterscotch had a great deal to do with his decision to take better care of his possessions when in the home. Having a cat that thinks papers are for shredding plus anything not nailed down is a play pretty, has been instrumental in helping Hubby understand the error of his ways. I must say that these days Butterscotch is a lot less trouble than he used to be. After all, he doesn't have testicles or tires.


  1. Loved the comment about tires and testicles. Never heard that before.

  2. We guys can't catch a break, you and my wife would get along very well.

  3. Skinny,

    I saw it posted in Twitter one day and kept it. It came from the quotation website Quote Garden and it's listed as author unknown.

  4. Beach Bum,

    I'm sure your a paragon who never does any such thing to your wife. However, mine told the muffler shop guys that the cracked front bumper on my car, which exists because he parked it in front of a falling ice warning sign, exists because I'm a typical woman driver.

    Next time I'm gonna glue the lid on the nooky jar closed. LOL

  5. Hold on, now, don't go telling others about gluing the nooky jar closed! That shit can catch on...

    Your hubby sounds like a typical guy, only more handy, obviously, if he has all the tools and car parts rattling around in his truck.

    There's nothing like car trouble to piss all over a day off...

  6. Squatlo,

    Hubby is a septic system contractor and also does some plumbing repairs for our regular customers. He does the regular maintenance and some repair work on our vehicles.

    Ok, ok, so, if I can't glue the nooky jar lid, I'll glue his lips shut.

  7. Ah, the joy of being single....


  8. Sarge,

    Ah, I like the joys of being married too. Life is never boring this way.