Wednesday, April 27, 2016

All About Me, Myself And I

Yesterday, while beating myself up over all the things I didn't know about how to manage this challenge, it occurred to me that I can't know something until I've done something to learn about something. Is that called not knowing the unknowable? I doubt it, but that was what I said to myself when I began to get frustrated. Myself, of course, answered that statement by saying "Bullcrap! You are not stupid!" "Wait a minute." I said to Myself. "What has not being stupid got to do with not knowing something because it's all new material?" Myself, of course, had no answer to that.

It's one thing to catch Myself in negative self talk, quite another thing to figure out how to stop it from ever happening again. I have survived it for a good number of years, but if I continue to hang onto it, I won't benefit as much from the challenge since that may be the source of my constant backsliding and why despite the real changes I have made in how I eat over time, I am missing the being fully in health part.

I am acknowledging that I should have lost 3 times more weight than I have lost in the past 2 years. I believe the source of my failure is negative self talk and my failure to find something that works for stress reduction other than candy, cake, cookies, pie and ice cream. Something that I really hate admitting is that I haven't really tried that hard to change my habits. I'm really good at giving lip service to all the healthy ideas that have been made available to me, however after a day or two I simply don't keep them and then once I've wreaked havoc on myself, I start up again for 2 or 3 days.


I'm settling for 1/2 cup of grapes.

I am responsible for every one of the excess 46 pounds that I am still carrying on my bones. In the past 24 months I should have lost 48 pounds. It's not at all hard to lose 2 pounds a month at any age if we do the right things. In 2 years I have managed 14 pounds.

I keep trying to remind myself to celebrate that I lost weight at all instead of smacking myself around for not losing what I could have lost. I am responsible for the problem, I am also responsible for the actions I need to take to fix it. Excuse me, I have some work to do.


  1. First off I want to thank you for writing out your journey here as it IS inspiring to me.

    Secondly, I can relate to negative self talk. I think I have it whipped and I go about my merry way when suddenly it has crept into my head again and I must beat it down again.

    1. The journey is here since I fail to believe that I could post it there without attracting those who feel the need to tell us how much they accomplished their way.

      And then there are those who are adept at manipulating others into wallowing in the negative self talk. Self examination exposes weaknesses that can be exploited for another's gain. I need to shed some armor in order to get to where I need to be and that would leave me too vulnerable for comfort there. Too open to the negative energy of others there.

      The problem with negative self talk is I can wall it off or ignore it, but it's still there and therein lies my problem.

    2. I rarely sign in where you reference anymore. I in fact do not even bother to read from the outside anymore.

      I write in my blogs on blogspot and when I have a minute I might roll through FB.

      I am glad I have this connection with you here and also on FB.

    3. I like the quiet here and while I have run afoul of someone in Facebook last night and today, I enjoy FB for the articles I can read in the magazines I follow. I discovered one called Atlas Obscura and that can be really interesting since it does inform about the obscure.