Yesterday, while beating myself up over all the things I didn't know about how to manage this challenge, it occurred to me that I can't know something until I've done something to learn about something. Is that called not knowing the unknowable? I doubt it, but that was what I said to myself when I began to get frustrated. Myself, of course, answered that statement by saying "Bullcrap! You are not stupid!" "Wait a minute." I said to Myself. "What has not being stupid got to do with not knowing something because it's all new material?" Myself, of course, had no answer to that.
It's one thing to catch Myself in negative self talk, quite another thing to figure out how to stop it from ever happening again. I have survived it for a good number of years, but if I continue to hang onto it, I won't benefit as much from the challenge since that may be the source of my constant backsliding and why despite the real changes I have made in how I eat over time, I am missing the being fully in health part.
I am acknowledging that I should have lost 3 times more weight than I have lost in the past 2 years. I believe the source of my failure is negative self talk and my failure to find something that works for stress reduction other than candy, cake, cookies, pie and ice cream. Something that I really hate admitting is that I haven't really tried that hard to change my habits. I'm really good at giving lip service to all the healthy ideas that have been made available to me, however after a day or two I simply don't keep them and then once I've wreaked havoc on myself, I start up again for 2 or 3 days.
I WANT CHOCOLATE!
I'm settling for 1/2 cup of grapes.
I am responsible for every one of the excess 46 pounds that I am still carrying on my bones. In the past 24 months I should have lost 48 pounds. It's not at all hard to lose 2 pounds a month at any age if we do the right things. In 2 years I have managed 14 pounds.
I keep trying to remind myself to celebrate that I lost weight at all instead of smacking myself around for not losing what I could have lost. I am responsible for the problem, I am also responsible for the actions I need to take to fix it. Excuse me, I have some work to do.