Saturday, June 9, 2012

Reality

So, you've achieved the dream of gutting entitlement programs, and the reality of your life is that Mom or Dad don't have as much to live on because you didn't think about what would happen. What now?

They obviously can't live in an apartment since they can't pay rent, utilities, medical bills and eat with what your Conservative agenda left them. I suppose it's not your fault that you didn't know HUD was paying part of Mom's rent so she didn't have to live in a roach infested hovel. I suppose it's also not your fault that you didn't know she was also getting food stamps to assist with the grocery bill. Of course, now that Medicaid no longer exists, Mom's Depends are also a bit difficult to pay for so she's not changing as often as she should.

I see how you didn't realize she was getting so frail that getting in and out of the shower by herself was a thing of the past. Can't quite get her legs up over the tub these days, and since you only ran in long enough to drop things off or pick her up to take her to an appointment you didn't notice that she wasn't as clean as she should be. She was trying her best, but some parts of her body she just can't reach anymore.

Without Medicaid there is no aide coming every week to take care of these things and see to it that her apartment (the one she can no longer pay for) was kept up enough to pass inspection. Unfortunately the aide has been gone long enough for her to have failed inspection twice in a row which means she's facing eviction. The company who provided this aide contacted you to find out if you would be willing to pay to have her still come, but you said it wasn't necessary, you'd help her out. Unfortunately, you just didn't seem to find the time, nor did you realize how much time it actually took.

When you were there, the neighbors were treated to your scream fests. I'm sure you don't remember yelling at her that you didn't want to "waste your time" doing simple tasks that you were sure she could do herself.  After all, you don't really understand how muscles become atrophied simply because someone is older. She'd just gotten lazy in her old age. Never mind that moving was painful to her arthritic joints. As far as you're concerned she has too much time on her hands because all she does with it is call and bug you every day. You can't take all this stress. Only, things are about to get worse.

Her doctor said at her last appointment that she shouldn't be living alone. You checked into assisted living and discovered that it costs around $3000 a month. Mom's social security check is only $1200 which leaves $1800 a month unpaid. It used to be that Medicaid paid the balance, but you fought long and hard to get rid of that "entitlement" program. Which means Mom can't move there or a nursing home unless family agrees to pay the balance.

Mom sold your childhood home to you for pennies on the dollar of value. You haven't been living there, you are using it for extra income. You're getting $1800  a month for rent on it, but that's what paid for your trip to Europe last year and a few of the luxuries you enjoy. The only alternative is to have Mom move in with you and that's when the fun starts.

It's YOU that now has to change her bed linens everyday and see to it that she gets in and out of the shower. And the chair your Mom likes to sit in has developed a few smelly issues because of the accidents she's had when there's been no one around to clean up after her. Her bedroom and now the livingroom have developed a lingering odor of urine and feces because of it. Which is the first thing you smell when you come home from a hard day at work.

You and your Hubby used to have some fine dinner parties and BBQ's for friends and neighbors, only they're a thing of the past because you don't really want them smelling the evidence of old age and Mom can do some fairly embarrassing things that you'd rather not have people see. Like the time she got diarrhea and wasn't aware of it? Got all over her hands and she sat there eating candy with...well...shitty hands. Now there's an event that you would have loved to live without.

For all the reasons I've mentioned your kids are ashamed to have their friends over and the stress of their moods is driving you crazy. They're teenagers, rampant running hormones tend to create excessive emotions in them. Which, of course, you are being treated to since you were the bad guy and brought grandma home to live with you.

This is the reality that Conservatives seem to either ignore or not factor into their desire to keep their money in their own pockets rather than pay for the programs that take care of these things for them. I'm thinking that quite possibly they should be careful what they ask for since they just might get it.

18 comments:

  1. Sherry,
    That stuff didn't work in the US so naturally Republican Lite - aka: the National Party - want to try it here. That is why on the one hand they say that they want to keep people in their homes longer and on the other say, "we're spending too much on in-home care for the elderly."

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    1. What they want is for family to provide the service. Which, if family were willing, would already be happening. It's unfortunate that as a society we've become all about me, me, me and Mom or Dad don't fit in that agenda.

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  2. Sounds all to familiar. And scary.

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    1. Our turn is coming. I figure I'll be able to retire when I die.

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  3. The measure of a society can be seen in the way it treats its young and old. We are a shameful society.

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    1. Ronnie James Dio called computers "heartless little gods". Somehow our society ignored that message and it shows.

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  4. I will never understand the lack of the love for our elderly. And when a family is good to them the guilt of being a burden placed on someone who only took care of their family in the past.
    This mindset is exactly what is running these programs and you are right, its hideous.

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    1. We've become a selfish society. Tea Party GOP don't want to spend money to take care of these people, yet they themselves are too busy to do it. Churches are now telling people who to vote for rather than telling people what their duty is towards their parents. It's sad.

      I have dealt with all of these things in my clients. I had a client whose power got shut off because her son, wouldn't pay attention. She suffers from memory loss and forgot to pay the bills when they came.

      I see these problems every day and it's painfully hideous.

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  5. You know this attitude that social security and Medicare is something to be taken away simply disgusts me to the point that I can hardly bear to think about it. We shall see I suppose.

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    1. A lot is going to depend on whether or not we can educate people to what it actually provides. That's the point of my post, however, I don't have many readers so it may be a waste of time. This is the reality of what loss of these programs will create.

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  6. This is the reality that Conservatives seem to either ignore or not factor into their desire to keep their money in their own pockets...

    I humbly submit you forgot to list stupidity as an option. My evidence? During the rise of the Marching Morons formally called the Tea Party some lady here in South Carolina was caught holding a sign that read: "Keep your government hands off my Medicare."

    I write about thinly veiled ignorance teaming up with proud stupidity of the vast majority of conservatives too often for even my own taste but you got to go with what you see.

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    1. Without using the words ignorance or stupidity, I tried to educate those who might read my blog as to what these programs do for the elderly. I find that even the families of my clients have no idea how this works and what pays the bill to have me there.

      Many of these sons and daughter have no idea what their parents financial situation really is. After all, they had money when they worked and must have gotten a big SS check. To which I'd like to say...NOT EXACTLY.

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  7. Sherry - sad to say - but the "Conservatives" who are pushing this crap, (and more importantly "the ones who will make it "LAW") are the ones who can "afford" to put 'Mom/Dad' in a nursing home - write the monthly check (whatever the amount), and forget about them. These folks, "the affluent" - will not have the problems your article details because they have the money to make it go away.

    The ones who will "wake up" to this nightmare (your descriptive story) - are the dumbasses (who can't afford to write the check) who buy into the agenda, THEN, learn the truth about what the gov't has been paying for when it comes to Mom/Dad.

    For now, all this is being pushed "only" by the Republican party, but it is my belief that the Democrats, eventually, will come around to this agenda too. Our society is showing less and less respect for the elderly (and we are all living longer and longer btw), and when the "real money crunch" comes into play - it will be the 'non-affluent elderly people who will suffer.

    For now, our (non-affluent Americans) - only hope is Obama and the Democrats, so I encourage everyone to support President Obama (and all Democrats) for re-election. The more Democrats we can throw at them (Republicans/Tea Partiers, etc etc) the better off we'll be in the future, and maybe - just maybe - I'm wrong about the Democrats - maybe - they will continue to 'look out for the non-afluent ones like us. Maybe.

    Good article - I wish it could be published in newspapers throughout the land and all over the internet.

    ice

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    1. ice, Yeah, that's just about the size of it, except I have a client with affluent TeaParty offspring. She's suffering from dementia, so she has no idea what day it is, whether or not she's taken her meds, where she's put things that she believes are stolen or whether she's eaten or not. That I suppose doesn't matter, she drinks so much Ensure because she can't remember just having one that she has chronic diarrhea.

      The Meals-on-wheels guy noticed she wasn't eating the meals and asked her. Didn't like her answer so he called her daughter who is a friend of his from high school. Guess what she did about it? If you'd guessed nothing, you'd be right.

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  8. Sherry: Sometimes it makes one wonder about the mental state of people like the Koch brothers. With a fortune of over $2 billion (that's 2000 million dollars) they have chosen to use a great portion of that wealth to elect to political office individuals who are dedicated to denying to the least fortunate of our elderly citizens the basic necessities of life in their declining years. Shameful!

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    1. Whit, some people prefer money to people. They would have to pay more than they want to in taxes to support these programs. Also, without unions in their factories, they could pay employees less and create a bigger tax deficit. And create a bigger need when the underpaid employees can't live on the SS they receive when they retire, and were unable to create a nest egg since they weren't paid enough to start out with.

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  9. this really drives the point home Sherry, gr8 post. All I can hope for is to die quick and leave no evidence!

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    1. When it comes time to retire I'm going to have to murder someone so I can get 3 squares and a room at the Crowbar Hotel.

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